First Kiss – How to Kiss a Girl for The First Time

I stared at him and begged him with my eyes. I wanted him to kiss me, but he wouldn’t make a move. And then the moment was gone…

Girls often have these conversations with their friends after a “decent” first date. They often expect the guy to take the initiative. For some reason, they prefer to be kissed rather than to kiss.

The first kiss done at the right time is half of the success. Another half is how gradual was the escalation. The first kiss not only feels good but can set the tone for the rest of the date and perhaps a relationship!

Although it’s crucial, don’t put so much emphasis on that first kiss! You might miss her lips, she might reject it. But there will be another chance…

Doing something for the first time and expecting outstanding results is insanity.

We always fail before we succeed. Succeeding on the first try, though enticing, can set us up for future failures due to the missed experience.

Nobody likes rejections. But avoiding risk by playing it safe is failing without even trying. Comfortable inaction leads nowhere. Uncomfortable action leads to new, unknown, and often exciting places!

The first kiss won’t happen on its own – it needs an instigator.

Take Small Steps Instead of Giant Leaps

Trying to kiss her while blathering about bland school stuff is a huge leap. It can at the very least be awkward. And in some cases freak her out.

"By the yard it’s hard, but inch by inch everything is a cinch"

The goal of this post is to kiss her. But there are still a few steps to get there. So don’t let this daunting goal loom on you. The giant journey begins with the first tiny step.

Test the Water Before Diving In

See how she reacts to friendly touches, hugs, and shoulder taps. Does she reciprocate? Next time you crack a joke tap her on the shoulder or go for a half-hug while sharing the laughter with her.

If she reacts positively, keep escalating. If not, retrace and start over. You could go for a kiss at any time. All you risk is rejection. The first kiss might seem daunting. And we amplify this feeling further by placing a lot of importance on it.

Embrace the Fear of the First Kiss

Feed off of it. Let it fuel your courage to take risks.

It’s fine if she senses hesitance. Being real is better than faking confidence. You could even admit to her that you’re nervous. Because hiding it can worsen the awkwardness.

Fear exists solely in your mind! Fear has no life outside your imagination!

I gained my bitter experience of the first kiss failures by trying again after several rejections. Use my experience to avoid major mistakes.

There is a huge difference between Trying and Failing and Failing to Try

The lack of experience caused anxiety. I remember how terrified I was at the mere thought of going for a kiss. The fear of unknown crippled my tongue and I couldn’t speak clearly.

Repetition alleviates the anxiety and numbs the fear, but it takes time.

Rebound From the Rejections

Rejection doesn’t mean the end. You will have another chance.

Once upon a time in San Diego, I attempted to kiss a girl 11 times in a span of 2 dates. By no means, it was a good game, but I was experimenting and on the 12th attempt finally succeeded. Later that night we were lying on the beach and joking about my “smooth” escalation skills.

If you don’t go for a kiss, but she senses that you want to, it will be much worse than if you try and she rejects. Your willingness to take risks is attractive.

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did!

Get Physical

To get to the first kiss you need to escalate, right? Well, what is a better way to escalate than with tiny steps?

Start with innocent, friendly, and socially acceptable touches.

For example, if one of you cracked a joke, use the opportunity to tap her on a shoulder, give her a high-five, or even go for a hug.

If she reciprocates several times in a row, start testing for compliance.

See If She Is Investing

Next time you go for a hug, open your arms wide but don’t actually slant in. Or do it but slightly, letting her lean in more than you do. If she does, it’s a good sign. Keep escalating.

Everything until now has been social. But lingering there guarantees the miserable friend zone. So move on. Escalate further.

Escalate

Move the interaction forward. It’s your job.

Women seldom, if ever, take the initiative to do so. Unless of course, you’re a celebrity chased by thousands of other women. But then you wouldn’t be reading this post…

The conversation has to become “man-to-woman”. The sooner – the better! Don’t discuss school, work, and siblings for the entire time!

Escalation, whether physical or verbal, doesn’t have to be rapid. It’s better when it’s gradual.

Start by adding intimacy to those shoulder taps and hugs.

Hug Her Intimately

Next time you hug, place your palm behind her head and bring her to your chest. The best time to do it is right after a joke while enjoying a burst of mutual laughter. “Your laugh is so contagious, let me get sick some more…”

As before, don’t get carried away. Don’t hold for too long. Pull away before she does.

Holding her feels good – but stay awake. You will hold her longer later. But for now, be willing to push her away!

Always calibrate. If you sense resistance, take a step back and try again later. Keep escalating, but backtrack if necessary.

If you reached this stage and she is still comfortable, it’s time to hold her hand.

Hold Her Hand

Asking for her hand can be daunting. So don’t!

Just grab it. But have a reason and do it while talking.

Let’s say you’re crossing a tiny street or even a bike trail. That’s a perfect time to grab her hand, but NOT to walk HER across the street.

You’re telling her to walk YOU across the street because your mom always does it:

My mom said not to cross a street by myself, so you’re kinda responsible for me, because believe me you don’t want to upset my mom! You accepted full responsibility for my safety when you took me on this date

Be playful and just grab her hand while delivering it. Try to amuse yourself first because it’s contagious.

You can continue as you cross:

Do you realize my mom will squash you if something happens to me tonight? So don’t try to drag me into a dark alley and take advantage of my innocence…

Keep teasing her:

I am not sure If I can trust you my life. You failed to stay responsible while we were crossing this dangerous bike trail…

Holding her hand now should be easier. By the way, if at some point she grabs your hand, just kiss her, it’s a clear sign!

Interlace Your Fingers

Once you held her hand a couple of times, try to interlace your fingers. It is more intimate and sends a clear message.

A rule of thumb is to release after five or so seconds. Also, try to time it with a story or a joke to make it feel natural and organic.

It’s better to hold and release often.

Braid Her Hair

If ambling in a park brought you to a bench in a secluded place, it’s an opportunity to practice braiding. It’s always in trend.

I never braided anyone’s hair and learned it on the dates just like yours. If you got no idea how to do it, just pretend like you do since she can’t see what you’re doing with her hair anyway:

I like how your hair feels, let me try something real quick.

Turn her around so you both face the same way and start playing with her hair.

Look up video tutorials as this is a fun skill to have!

Rub Her Head

I have never met a person who doesn’t like a head massage. I am sure your date isn’t an exception. Have you ever tried one of those scalp massagers?

As you run your hand through the back of her head, gently grab her hair. Then start gently squeezing your fingers. Her hair will get pulled as a result. Make sure she feels a light grip but don’t pull past that. This pulling gives an amazing sensation. Ask someone to do it to you.

Well, it might sound weird, but that’s why you first braid her hair.

If you face each other, pull her head toward yours. Look her in the eyes and begin tilting your head. If she mirrors, just go for a kiss.

Go For the First Kiss

If you got this far, she is ready for a kiss. You can kiss her now and relieve some tension or enjoy it by delaying the kiss.

Delaying the kiss makes it more anticipated. And the intriguing narrative can serve as a good tinder for sparking a relationship.

Don’t confuse delaying with hesitating! If you’re uncertain, just go for a kiss at the first opportunity.

The place for the first kiss matters. Social pressure and judgment from others can intimidate her. Get somewhere secluded.

Keep her close. Slow down your talking. Turn down the volume. You want to sound calm. Hold the eye contact and ask:

Do you want to kiss me?

If she nods, go for it.

If she responds NO, which is unlikely, then say with a smile:

I didn’t say you could. But it seemed like you had something kinky on your mind…

Then roll a couple of steps back and start over.

The most common response is Maybe or I don't know. She might not even utter it. It's awesome, because if she doesn’t respond directly, you say:

OK, let’s check.

And then go for the kiss!

Congratulations! You made it.

Don’t make the first kiss too long. A rule of thumb is 3-5 seconds. Then pull away before she does.

The first kiss might not happen with her, but it will happen with the next one. Because life worth living is the one filled with mistakes and experience.

Be inspired by the feeling of uncertainty. Be excited to take chances! Don’t waste time guessing and procrastinating. Go for a kiss to find out if you succeed or if this is a learning experience. Remember – success is a bad teacher!

Those uncertainties that we usually dread make the best stories to reminisce in the future.