5 First Date Tips Each Guy Must Know
The first date can be very intimidating not only because you don’t know the person that well, but also because you’re jumping into unknown and quite often unsure of what exactly to do on this date. As a man, there are some challenges that you might need to overcome.
In this article, I will outline what is, in my opinion, the most important tips for the first date.
Stay Away From “normality”
It is the first date and it shouldn’t be formal. Formal usually means boring! Less commitment is better because then there is a smaller chance she would feel obligated.
Imagine for a second how would your date feel while preparing for a date, if you let’s say picked one of the top restaurants in the city and made a reservation for your dinner?
She would be stressing about being on time, looking good, behaving appropriately, contemplating what to wear, etc.
Various thoughts will be barraging her mind:
- “I have to look good and take time to get myself ready for this date!”
- “What if we won’t find common things to talk about?”
- “What if it will be super awkward and I am stuck here with him waiting for food?”
This extra stress, preparation, commitment and possible feeling of obligation isn’t going to have the most positive effect on your date!
Especially for her! Think about it, if you are putting so much effort and trying to impress her, don’t you think as a human being she would naturally feel slightly obligated? Girls can take it a weird way, she might even feel guilty for rejecting your kiss later on a date…
Don’t get me wrong, still, refer to it as a date whenever you talk to her, but put less importance on it. As I said before, if there are less commitment and less obligation, there would be more fun, comfort, and joy.
Throw On Whatever You Usually Wear
How many times guys would “dress for success” for that special occasion but then the rest of the year they wear same joggers and t-shirt?
A lot of times dressing special can make you a little timid or incongruent with your internal mental state.
If you are used to wearing jeans, a polo shirt and vans, then wearing a suit all of a sudden will feel weird to you and that will perpetuate through your behavior and demeanor. Do you really want that weirdness to slip through?
Obviously, don’t dress like a bum, wear what you usually did, but just pick the best and CLEAN pair of jeans, CLEAN and matching vans, and a CLEAN polo shirt.
As I wrote in my post Best Dating Advice for Men Each Guy Must Know, looks don’t play a vital role in male attractiveness as they do in women. The reason for that is that women primarily evaluate our attractiveness based on survival abilities, rather than reproduction qualities as we do with them.
So if I had to summarize this entire post with one sentence, I would say: “ Do whatever it takes to make your own behavior as natural, comfortable and thus confident as you can!”
Creating A Route Rather Than Picking A Single Place
This is what I learned hard way. Look at the average date. Two individuals arranged to meet at the cafe at 7 pm to have dinner together.
They meet up, greet each other and start talking about work, school, and family. The waitress comes over and they need another 5 minutes because they were busy talking.
They finally order some food and get back to talking about school. Food comes. They eat(and talk assuming the date is going well). The waitress brings more salad. Busboy swings by and refills drinks. They are done eating. Busboy picks up plates. They order deserts. Back to talking about school. 2 hours fly by…
Do you see where I am going with this? There is barely anything changing. No movement! No escalation. They sit at one spot for the entire date having a hard time to move from platonic conversations to something more emotional and intimate.
So what I offer instead is for you not to just pick a place for the date, but create a route!
A route can consist of two or more different places and a path in the park that connects them. This way is easier to build a narrative, a story that you guys both lived. It will yield a wider range of emotions and a richer experience. Also that walk in a park – is a perfect time to hold her hand.
There are no excuses here. If it’s middle of cold winter and a walk in a park is a complete torture, you can replace that with a walk across the indoor shopping mall.
For example, while arranging time and place to meet, you could say: “Let’s meet by this souvenir shop because I wanted to check something out there, and then we can grab a coffee in a cafe across the street”.
You don’t even have to mention a third place or a park, across which you’ll be leading her to the third destination.
As I said in the beginning – I learned this hard way. I remember 8 years ago when I started going on my first dates, I used to pick places such as sushi bars, movie theaters, restaurants, etc.
I also didn’t know how to greet her, whether to hug her or it is too early for that and a bunch of other things that I should have done on the first date.
In case you’re interested, I wrote about this and other important topics related to a first date in my post How to Kiss a Girl for The First Time
Don’t Aim for Authentic and Genuine
Congruence will trigger authentic and genuine behavior!
Trying to wear a shiny mask or be someone you’re not, will inadvertently reveal your desire to impress her. Subsequently, you will begin to lose value in her eyes, because a person who is trying to impress someone else is by definition of a lower value.
Quite frequently in a crowded place, I notice groups of people conducting interviews.
Seriously, their conversations remind me of mutual interrogations. Taking turns asking each other questions with no connection, they are having a hard time connecting on a more emotional level. There is no rapport established and these kinds of conversations are emotionally draining!
Why is it so common among us today? Whether we admit it or not, but often we tend to hide our personalities behind a shiny mask in a hope to appear compelling. This inadvertently drives into our subconscious: “I am not enough, and I need to behave in a certain way to raise my value”.
Do you already see how this pattern is not only unpleasant for others, but it is detrimental to your own self-esteem?
What I offer instead is to accept your current state and take full responsibility for becoming who you want to be.
Taking this burden off your shoulders and being congruent with yourself will free up so much mental energy, turning your behavior natural, authentic and genuine!
Believe it or not, but this is a hundred times more attractive than trying to imitate a behavior that is not internalized by your subconscious mind!
I know I kind of drifted away from the main topic, but giving this background can explain what I am trying to say regarding your behavior on the first date.
It is ok to feel a bit insecure, nervous and hesitant. A girl will notice it, so instead of trying to hide it and cover it up, embrace it! Make a joke out of it or even amplify it to an extreme.
Do Not Be Super Nice or Gentleman
Niceness is tightly associated with pleasing people. Most people are nice not by choice. They are proactively nice because they don’t want to be challenged in a response to challenging someone.
This is, in particular, my story. In the past, I would think that by being nice to people I can expect love and respect in return. But all I received was a pity and liking feelings. Especially true with women, even if they did find me interesting, they were never attracted!
What I offer instead is not to be an asshole, but to pick a third option – be a good guy.
In short, the good guy is someone who:
- Doesn’t try to make her feel comfortable or right by conforming and agreeing
- Challenges her
- Is not afraid of speaking up and expressing his opinion
- Can stand for himself
- Is not afraid of establishing his own rules
There has to be some polarity, for example, you could be a good guy 90% of the time and then total asshole 10% of the time. This way that 90% of the time when you’re a good guy, will be valued twice as much rather than if you were always a nice guy!
Don’t Make Her Comfortable
Do you remember instructions given by flight attendants? If the compartments containing oxygen masks open, put your own oxygen mask on first because if you run out of oxygen, you won’t be able to help anyone else!
Same in the case of the first date, you cannot make her comfortable without making yourself comfortable! So think about your own comfort first!
You do want her to be somewhat comfortable, but don’t put emphasis on that because then it will be seen as “Try Hard”. Instead, concentrate on your own comfort. She will feel it and subsequently follow.
Don’t be miserable by trying to be perfect and play it safe. Take chances! Escalate and try things I mentioned in my article How to Kiss a Girl for The First Time.
Remember, there are no failures, only learning experiences!
Check out these articles for more useful tips on this topic:
How to Kiss a Girl for The First Time
9 Tips On What To Do After The First Kiss
5 Tips for Attractive and Charming Posture
Best Dating Advice for Men Each Guy Must Know
How to Sound Confident and Attractive when you speak