Why being attractive wouldn't attract her

In this post I want to talk about general attractiveness and find out how it is related to success in dating.

First of all let's define Attractiveness. A man can make himself visually attractive to people in general. In other words he can choose to dress in a way that makes him look slicker, vividly emphasizing his v-shaped back, wide shoulders and straight posture. Clean stylish shoes paired with fashionable pair of trousers and well made haircut can definitely grab attention including that of women.

However, not a single woman would ever throw herself at you wanting you to date her based just on your looks. She might be more welcoming and receptive to your moves, she might give you more time on the open, she might place herself in your proximity, give you an inviting look or even find an excuse to start a conversation with you, but looks alone will not get you results except maybe an external validation in the form of all those looks in your direction.

Results over Looks

Although it's helpful to look good, much more effective is your behavior. The confidence in carrying out a conversation with her, escalating verbally and physically, demonstrating the experience with women and so called "Social Proof", which is the social value measured in popularity among women and other men. His ability to lead other men and make other women attracted to him. That's what I believe is this cliche word "Alpha" in our modern society.

At the end of the day, you HAVE to interact with her and lead the interaction. Not only that, you have to maintain and steer the conversation in the direction of "Man-to-Woman" frame. You have to make sure she knows that the interaction is in fact going in an intimate direction. Don't get me wrong, being confident is good, but what I am talking about is not bold, blunt and brazen way of stating your intent, as that most of the time puts extra pressure on the girl. Because remember:

Women like when interaction goes smoothly and feels as it is just happening and one thing is leading another, rather than logical and boring sequence of events.

Todd Valentine

She would appreciate if you are able to escalate smoothly. This is another indicator of your experience. Most of the guys today are way too timid to even imply that they like the girl and want the interaction to go in an intimate direction. Very few escalate, but do say to bluntly that it scares away the girl. And just a tiny fraction have relevant experience to escalate smoothly and make the girl comfortable and attracted at the same time, finding that balance.

Women are knobs while men are light switches

This holds true for the majority of cases, although it's just a model and thus there are cases for which it will fail! With that in mind, I will continue to say that when a man sees a woman, it usually doesn't take long for him to decide whether he is attracted or not. That's because his attraction is mostly visual. We don't need to assess a woman's personality and character to evaluate her ability to carry out and give birth to a child and have sufficient ability for a steady breastfeeding throughout child's infancy. At the end of the day, our primitive instincts that are well hidden deep inside, still call for extensive semen spreading breeding strategy, even though majority of conscious and intelligent men these days would choose to raise children with one woman.

Women on the other side can't determine whether they are attracted or not. They might have interest, they might be intrigued by the looks, but they need to communicate and do so exclusively. Meaning, it has to take a direction of man-to-woman interaction. So women are knobs and they can't just be switched on or off. For them attraction is a gradual process.

Success in dating world

Let's define it.

This topic is hated by women and feminists, but let's be objective -- men need sex. It's quite direct and blunt, but it's true. If a woman gets validated when she is being hit by several guys in a row at a local bar or other social event, then men need sex. They need to close! While they shouldn't base their self-worthiness on the ability to close and a historical record of how many women they slept with, it's important that he has some kind of experience.

Success in dating for men is obtaining a girl he truly desires. If he is emotionally mature and has a girl he truly wanted to have, and who is in return attracted to him and emotionally bound, he wouldn't look elsewhere(Good sex is important too). But what's often hidden from the public is that in order to get that girl, a man needs at least some experience. He needs to be able to feel comfortable among women.

If a girl is attracted, it's man's job to ask her for a date, to set the place, to find out when is a good time for both of them. He needs to find out her interests compare it with his, come up with something in between. Make sure the date is entertaining and interesting. He needs to move the conversation forward, he has to offer to walk after a short coffee date or be it a dinner. He then should grab her hand at the right time, lead her across the street, move her closer, hug and kiss her. He has to worry about time, logistics, weather, distractions, other people, etc.

You see why some experience is needed here? It is essential he can lead. I mean if a woman wants to take some of that burden on her shoulders, it's awesome. But from my personal experience this is very seldom.

I hope I was able to convince you why just being visually attractive wouldn't yield those results you always desired with women. So instead of putting all your efforts into dressing well and following the fashion trends, invest in your game. Meaning work on verbals, improve your posture, learn to be assertive, train your confidence -- don't just fake it, take voice lessons, take dance lessons to be more loose and smooth -- boxing will have a similar effect as well.

Good luck, stay devoted to your dreams!